Understanding the Gift

Can I be honest? Last year, at this exact time, Early Christmas morning, I was walking in sin. I was so deep that at that time, I could have sworn I was a slave to it. Lust had brought me to my destruction, and had taken over all the logic in my head. I was no where near the man I am suppose to be. I remember giving into lust like it was my duty, like it was something I just had to do.

I have been asked to give my favorite Christmas memory so many times this year, but it hurts when I begin to think of all the years, around Christmas, I would walk in sin, continuously. I remember the nights I would waste, and even the moments of the day that I would use to fulfill my desire to be loved, and wanted. I searched long and hard for that one thing, and til this day, I have yet to find it.

This is the first Christmas Eve where I feel safe in the arms of Christ. It's the first where I feel like I am doing the right thing. The first where I understand what the gift was, and what He did. Why do I search for things on earth to satisfy me? My God and Savior became a human to suffer pain and rejection, yet I add to His suffering because of my blindness. God, I am so blind. The cure for sin is love, and I have yet to understand it.

 "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" - John 15:13

God, I praise You for Your gift, yet help my unbelief - Forsake All

(PS... Merry Christmas)